An AI parody of

anku.app

· same homepage, rewritten three ways
SHILLSTREAM.LOL →
AI PARODY · MADE BY SHILLSTREAM.LOL →
AI PARODY
The last churn tool, ever

Users don't leave. They can't. They forgot exits exist.

Paste one key and Anku reads your analytics, your mind, and next Tuesday. Users return before signing up. Retention: 412%. Churn files for bankruptcy.

Summon the fixWatch the miracle

Trusted by 9 billion startups, including several unborn ones.

412% retention!
412%Day-7 retention, on day 2
-4 secTime to ship the fix
∞Rage clicks converted to love
Bugs fear us

Prophetic Blueprint

Redesigns your flow before you build it. Your designer weeps, then retires.

Telepathic Outreach

Emails five users. They reply 'take my money' before opening it.

Self-Healing Code

Patches crashes in apps you haven't written yet. Bugs apologize personally.

“I stalled at step 3 for a year. Anku moved step 3 to me.”

— A checkout button, finally clickedMondays, but fun
Pro, Cosmic Edition$49/mo, refunds you $50 monthlyAscend

Will Anku fix churn in parallel universes?

Already did. The Monday scan runs across every timeline simultaneously.

Results may exceed physics. Side effects include users loving your onboarding.AI parody. Not the real site.

Post it on X

I asked an AI to shill and roast anku․app's homepage. Shilled: “Users don't leave. They can't. They forgot exits exist.” Roasted: “We find why users leave. Mostly it's our homepage.”

/roast/anku.appBefore / after: anku.app shilled and roasted
Post on X
Now on Shillstream.lol
LIVE ON SHILLSTREAM

👑 powerbeautycollab.com · paid $10 to be here

The shill makes a great TV ad.

We write, shoot and air 4 AI parody ads of anku.app in minutes. On our big screen if you outbid the King.

Make it 4 AI ads · $19 →Outbid powerbeautycollab… · $11
Watch the Shillstream →